jenett | Salon post : March 16

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Topic of the week
I took Monday and Tuesday off this week, to play catchup on life. It got me thinking about how I use vacation time, and what makes my life easier.

What do you do that improves your life? (Especially if it's a somewhat new thing.)

What I've been up to:
I am now cheerfully into the Martha seasons of New Who. But today, I'd love to rec a podcast, This Is Love (from the same people who do Criminal, which I also like a lot).

I listened to episode 5, "A Private Life" on the way into work this morning, and it is both adorable and a fascinating view of legal history around same-sex marriage and changing attitudes.

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From:

jenett

So, to answer my own question - my job is very generous with vacation compared to most US jobs, and I get 22 days a year (or a hair more than 5 weeks).

I keep a chunk stored (in case of medical issues and a buffer in case of changing jobs - I live in a state where it has to get paid out) which has taken me a couple of years to build up.

I've started getting in the habit of taking a week every 4ish months to stay home, sleep in, and work on projects I can't get traction on. (Usually with a day in there of going and doing something touristy locally that I don't normally have the energy to do.)

This week was a 'March is a very long month, with no long weekends in it', and having four days off in a row was a lovely treat. (I live in Massachusetts, where Patriot's Day is a state holiday, so we do have a three day weekend in April.) And I ended up with an extra day off due to a snow day on Wednesday.

Anyway, I'm finding this habit to be a great way to recharge and it's making me feel a lot less overwhelmed by bigger projects at home I want to sort out.

Of course, I also want to do a bit more travel (like the trip to London I did in 2015), but that's a different kind of vacation.

From:

alexseanchai

That is a good habit that I wish to be in :) but I don't accrue annual leave fast enough to pull it off, not if I want to take off for holy days and the occasional "I really want to do this thing but it's during my work hours" activity and especially not given I keep ending up eating annual leave for things that should be sick-leave problems :(

From:

rmc28

This is something I might think about. My employer is generous by UK standards so I get over 6 weeks a year, 3 days of which *have* to be taken between Christmas and New Year. My family has had a habit of "recharging at home" during that December break for some time now, mostly to avoid the seasonal travel rush, and it works well for us.

Everyone is still a bit wrung out from the big long holiday we did last summer, so although I have booked some specific weeks of leave during the summer school holidays, I have not yet booked any travel. And there is a lot of touristy stuff to do in Cambridge.

From:

alexseanchai

Fuckening immune system needs a fuckening upgrade. Or a refund. I will accept a refund.

That is basically what I've been up to this week. Lying in bed hacking my goddamn lungs up. With a side of picking fights on the internet all this coming weekend, because I know me on prednisone, okay, anger response goes up and emotional regulation goes down. (I apologize in advance.) And I've got a sulk anyway because Tuesday and Wednesday were sick leave but Thursday and today have to be annual (because I am just that fucking low on paid sick leave) which means I get to do math to the effect of, which of my holy days that I've scheduled off work do I need un-schedule off work in order to preserve the goddamn paycheck?

Re improving my life: Religious devotion and spiritual and magical practices, which I'm debating how much I want to (or can) discuss in a public post, and I'm not sure to what extent you lot want to hear about those anyway. Some of which is definitely new within the past...couple months? yeah that sounds like the right time frame.

I would very much like to be doing yoga classes—I did the introductory $30/30d free-access-to-any-class thing at a nearby yoga studio the other month, and that rocked, but...money. ($15 for one class or $60 for ten, which is a lil out of reach.)

(Thing I am NOT doing: explaining on Facebook all the reasons why dude's suggestion, in response to my initial snark about needing to upgrade my immune system, that I start an exercise program is a fucked suggestion and also not what I would call new. Because I still know me on prednisone! And I haven't got a feel for his attitudes towards disability, either, so I don't feel like explaining how my access needs are self-contrary.)

If I could collect some more focus I could finish that ebook conversion for Neos Alexandria and get money for that, which would pay for a few yoga classes! Or most of a reiki session. (Yes, I know I'm turning into That White Chick. I'm trying to figure out the principles with which I can [re]construct a style of magic that coheres with Hellenic polytheist practice without being appropriative, but I'm not sure how to get there from here, for literally any present-day value of "here".)

I just started an eight-week program courtesy of my health insurance that is half cognitive-behavioral therapy, half coaching, all over the phone (yippee), and I haven't got to the coaching half yet because scheduling fun (that'll start Monday) but the therapy half started yesterday and therapist's thought is I could pick a half hour every day, same time, and either work on my novel or meditate. I think that'll be 12:30-1:00p by royal decree. And we shall see how that goes.

I am trying to employ podcasts to make chores-doing less unappealing, and also get the podcasts listened to. (I found somewhere that archived most of The Jaguar and the Owl! WOOOO now I have more than the two eps I'd downloaded before the site went pfft!) This would work better if I had energy for chores-doing, mind you...

From:

theora

FWIW, I would definitely be interested in hearing about the religious/magical practices stuff, if there is anything you can or want to write about here. (But I totally understand if you can't and/or don't want to.)

From:

alexseanchai

From:

alexseanchai

Okay so one thing I can definitely talk about at least some is the Death Preparedness class Rebecca is running. She designed it for Hellenic polytheists, though I don't think she's excluding other sorts, and it's going through both practical and spiritual end-of-life planning. Wills, advance directives, funeral plans, who should deal with any particularly spiritually or magically resonant ritual items, stuff like that. Things that might seem morbid to consider now, but that one doesn't really want one's loved ones and heirs to have no idea about when the time comes.

(If this course sounds worthwhile to any of you, it is a ten-week course for $30 taking place on Discord and it technically starts tomorrow, and you can email hexdotink at gmail to ask about it.)

The first week's lesson PDF is already up, and I'm looking at the spiritual practice part of it, which is a death simulation meditation. And I am trying to convince myself to go spiritually cleanse myself and then do the thing. I'm not sure if I'm hesitating because I'm exhausted or because I'm scared...

Screencap from The Road to El Dorado, captioned 'Both. Both is good.'

From:

adafrog

Things that might seem morbid to consider now, but that one doesn't really want one's loved ones and heirs to have no idea about when the time comes.
I wish a lot more people would do this. Especially the medical part-what to do near the end of life, etc.

Good luck with it.

From:

alexseanchai

Thank you :)

From:

alexseanchai

Also, tonight is the dark moon—Hekate's supper—and part of the thing there is cleaning, cleansing, and clearing out things one doesn't want to bring into the next month. And there's no shortage of magical workings that suggest or require they're best done on the dark moon.

...I mentioned exhausted, right? :(

From:

jenett

Immune systems are so complicated.

(My doctor's appointment this week included a discussion of whether treating one thing more aggressively might make the rest of my immune system throw different annoying fits, and what the risk and benefit ratio was.)

Podcasts to improve chores are great!

From:

alexseanchai

re parenthetical: joy. :(

From:

lilysea

One thing I've started doing VERY recently which is improving my life - and which is thanks to you - is tracking comments on Dreamwidth entries.

Until you mentioned it a few days ago, I didn't realise that it was a thing which I could do!

So, thank you for that! ^_^

From:

brithistorian

I just learned it's something I can do! I'm definitely going to be doing this from now on.

re your icon: A. and I bought all 5 seasons of Leverage as our Christmas present this year. One thing that made me happy when watching the commentary is discovering that autistic!Parker is canon!

From:

alexseanchai

autistic!Parker is canon

WAIT WHAT

*bumps the other three seasons up the wishlist priority*

From:

brithistorian

Autistic!Parker had been my headcanon since the first time watching the series anyway, but when watching the commentaries, I believe it was in the commentary for "The Juror #6 Job" (one of my faves) that they said their concept for Parker was that she was somewhere on the autistic spectrum.

From:

alexseanchai

—ah, so Word of Author confirming the headcanon, not canon per se.

(I nitpick, don't mind me :P )

still awesome

From:

brithistorian

still awesome

Definitely!

From:

jenett

It is an awesome thing!

(I'll also mention: it's possible to reply to comments by email, though you may have to do a little fiddling for format.)

From:

theora

Two things I have been attempting (with variable success):

1) Decluttering/neatening/generally trying to make parts of my house nice to be in. I never learned how to clean up as a kid (borderline hoarder dad), but I realize that I'm much happier when I walk into a room that's uncluttered and inviting. With two kids in the house, not every room can be that way, but my bedroom can be. But it's hard, especially when I've gotten rid of loads of stuff yet don't seem to have made a dent *grumble*.

2) Spending less time on the internet (she says, from the internet). I feel better with less screen time, but it's pretty much addictive by design. Also I'm on Facebook trying to get rid of my excess stuff *rolleyes*. I use my laptop for everything: to do lists, recipes, music and podcasts, and "while I'm there" "just for a minute" I take a peek at Facebook, find some stupid argument, and 20 minutes pass without me realizing. But there have been days when I've deliberately shut down and picked up a book. Small progress is some progress.

From:

alexseanchai

I hear you so hard on both points (they say from their laptop in a seriously untidy bedroom)

From:

brithistorian

Yay for shutting down and picking up a book. I've been trying to do that as well. I've been making a conscious effort to spend less time on Facebook, and generally find that the less time I spend there, there happier I am. Now I pretty much go in once a day, check my notifications, check to see if my wife posted anything, and then I'm out of there.

I've also been working on decluttering. One of my goals for the new year (I made quantifiable goals rather than resolutions, and it's helped me stick with them) has been to spend 15 minutes decluttering on at least 50% of days. Yesterday I got rid of a stack of old papers and magazine about a foot and a half high! ^_^

From:

alexseanchai

(I made quantifiable goals rather than resolutions, and it's helped me stick with them)

awesome!

From:

jenett

One of the things I've done is realise that it's not the screentime, per se for me, it's what I'm doing with it. (For a variety of reasons, I don't get out much other than work, so if I didn't talk to people online, I would have insufficient social time, even for an introvert.)

The thing that helped me is making it harder to go do the things where I'll get sucked down a hole, and easier to do the things that produce high quality conversation that matters to me.

So, I do tracking on DW discussions of interest (I may or may not comment, but at least I'm seeing great stuff!) I have an ongoing rambling email conversation with one particular friend. I do a private chat and a semi-public one.

But I go to Twitter and Facebook once a day or less (and Twitter primarily because it's the best way for a dear friend to communicate right now, for complex reasons, and another dear friend posts there more than other places on average.) and I make it harder to get there (no apps on my phone, no bookmarks in my browser, notifications on Facebook only for a few specific groups, not individual people).

From:

alexseanchai

hmm

An app I've installed but never done much with (I've got it on both Firefox and Chrome on both machines, though, and also on my tablet, and it was on my phone until the SD card crashed and will be again once I've got brain to replace the SD card and reinstall my apps) is Forest. Idea, if you're unfamiliar, is, you plant a tree, and you walk away for 25 min or whatever, and when you come back, you have a tree. If you disturb the growth process, say by using Firefox when you're trying to plant a tree in the Firefox Forest app, then the tree dies. And the objective is to get a whole forest—which means a lot of 25min intervals when you're not internetting.

I don't know if that would be of any use to you, jenett, but maybe it's new and useful info to others around here? And your approach wouldn't work so well for me because I like being involved in realtime conversations on Slack, Discord, and Facebook, but I'm considering trying again to use Forest for myself...

From:

jenett

I love the idea of Forest, but it totally doesn't work with what I need.

I use my phone for a ton of things like medication reminders, or checking how much I've been moving so I sit down when I need to - yesterday we had an event at work that meant I was on my feet for about 2 hours with only a tiny break.

I actually do regular chat when I'm home - a MUX instance, and Discord, though I dip in and out of the latter and keep it pretty limited. Depends on what I'm doing.

From:

rmc28

Not logging into Facebook or Twitter on my phone is probably the single best thing I do for my mental health. I sometimes lapse and install the Twitter app if I'm away from home for a day or two, but in general I need to minimise my use of either so it stays at "useful social contact" rather than "source of stress".

From:

jazzyjj

I've been trying to cut down on Internet/email usage and get out more, but it's honestly kinda not that easy when a large portion of my life depends upon all this cool assistive technology. But more on that in a later reply. But I absolutely agree that getting out as much as possible is a healthy option.

From:

lilysea

Dear wise ones:

Does anyone have any advice on how to resist the urge to pick pimples?

I keep picking them, and then needing topical antibiotic cream, or even getting cellulitis.

I manage to resist the urge for 12 hours, but then cave just before bed. :(

There has to be a better way, surely?

(Not sure if it matters, but the pimples are on the underneaths of my breasts.)

From:

adafrog

Can you prevent them so there's nothing to tempt you?

From:

lilysea

Unlikely: I am tempted by even the smallest pimples or blackheads.

Also: I have ultra-sensitive allergic reactive skin, so most pimple prevention products will bring me out in an angry itchy red rash.

I even react with an angry red rash to QV Body Bar, which is supposed to be sensitive & hypoallergenic!

From:

adafrog

Dang.
That sucks about the sensitive skin.

Have you tried the rubber band around the wrist thing?

From:

lilysea

Have you tried the rubber band around the wrist thing?

No.

I was thinking about it last night, but as someone with chronic hand/wrist pain in both hands/wrists that costs me $6,344 a year in physiotherapy bills, it seems not-advisable.

(I swear I'm not trying to be difficult & shoot your suggestions down! ^_^
It's just that as someone with chronic pain/allodynia, my body is tricksy.)

From:

adafrog

No, I get a tricksy body.

From:

theora

Do you have any other fidgety finger activity you like that you could substitute when you feel tempted? Maybe use the rubberband on wrist as a reminder only (no snapping), and make sure your fidgety thing is kept near your bed (or wherever you are when you feel the urge). I understand the urge so much (also a picker here), but I've never had side-effects bad enough to need to stop. Good luck, I hope you find something that helps!

From:

eeyorerin

I get those small "dot" sized bandaids and put them over them. Then, if I am trying to pick without paying attention, I find myself picking at the bandage instead.

From:

rmc28

Two new-ish things I do to improve my life:

* Morris dancing: last autumn I joined a womens side that rehearses weekly around the corner from home, at a convenient time of the evening. This is giving me regular exercise of a kind that also works my brain in a pleasing way, and a new social circle. I work in IT and live with husband, brother and sons, so I particularly appreciate a small window of the week which is women-dominated.

* Meditation. I am working through the beginner "packs" on the Headspace app, and it's essentially mindfulness / breathing-focused exercises, which is not new to me, but I've never been disciplined enough to do them daily before. It is more effective than I'd expected! I am managing stress better and feeling more settled and grounded. As I have a lot of stressful things going on at the moment, this is very helpful.

I've a lot of experience with using breathing exercises specifically to manage pain. I learned them originally in preparation for childbirth, but it comes in useful for a bunch of other routine-but-painful medical procedures - cancer treatment has meant I've had a lot of those. The breathing patterns I fall into are very similar but my focus when meditating is much more "be present, observe without judging" all my sensations in general, whereas for pain management it's more about getting my body to relax as much as possible, using breathing as a focus and channel for coping with that one sensation.

The app is very ... 'mechanical' isn't quite the word I want, nor is 'neutral'. It doesn't have any religious or spiritual content, it's just about the actions to take to do these mindfulness exercises. This secular/pragmatic approach suits me, but it might frustrate others.

From:

jazzyjj

There's also a good meditation app for iOS and Android called Calm. I don't use it, but one of my neighbors does and really likes it. I've been in his apartment while it's going. It has soothing music along with breathing exercises. Another feature I like about it is bedtime stories. That feature reminds me of when I was a kid and my parents would read me bedtime stories.

From:

adafrog

Bedtime stories? That is pretty neat.

From:

rmc28

I like reading to my children at their bedtimes, and I've fallen into the habit of having Audible read me a bedtime story to fall asleep to, using the sleep timer feature.

From:

adafrog

Okay, so do you then start it where you last remember the next time, or just let it keep going?

From:

rmc28

I reset it to the last bit I remember hearing before I fell asleep, and I tend to stick to books I already know well and have read repeatedly to make that easier. At the moment I seem to be advancing in about 5-minute increments through All Systems Red by Martha Wells.

From:

adafrog

Ah. That makes sense. I'd heard of other people doing that, and I was curious. :D

From:

adafrog

The last few Lents I've tried to meditate, and it's never really worked out. One time I tried to carve out time in the evening while on the living room floor-too many distractions. Last time I tried walking meditation, but walking around the chair in my library was too small. lol

This year I've added it in with other prayers I do while in the barn, and so far I've been able to keep up with it. And I think it's helped me to work through some stressful things. Yay!

From:

alexseanchai

\o/

From:

jazzyjj

First off, please pardon the somewhat lengthy reply. Technology has indeed played a big part in my life. But I've been making a concerted effort to try and get out of my apartment building more, as alluded to in my previous reply to this post. That is also what my support team here wants from me, and I agree with them. However, what my team and I don't totally agree on is the method(s) I'm using to accomplish this mission. I have been an ADA paratransit user off and on for a number of years. In recent years the service in my area has seen some improvements. But I was recently talking with a staff member here about this, and he brought up something which perhaps hadn't been considered by me or anybody else. He mentioned that my requests for door-to-door assistance, i.e., drivers getting out of their vehicles to assist me to said vehicle, are not that common. I have always been a white cane user, and only have light perception. I live in an area with tons of traffic, and the local bus company recently began rolling out hybrid vehicles at least for their paratransit customers. This inandof itself is fine with me, but more often than not I have had difficulty knowing when my rides are here to pick me up. Furthermore, not all of the drivers thus far have gotten out and assisted me. Luckily I can sense shadows, so I've sometimes been able to distinguish the presence of my paratransit vehicle. In addition, I can hear these vehicles beeping when they back up. But not all of the beeping comes from paratransit. Some of it is garbage trucks and other stuff. Sometimes these drivers don't pull up right in front of or beside me for whatever reason, and I therefore need other people with me. Thus far most of these people have been sighted neighbors in my apartment complex. . My mother and I are going to meet with somebody on Thursday about getting an iPhone, and one reason I want an iPhone is the GPS. I think it will assist me perhaps a good deal in this respect. So there's my rant for now, lol! Have a good day folks.