Ninth salon: for the bad days.

[jenett]

Welcome to our ninthsalon discussion thread. Wander in, invite a friend to come along, and chat! (Not sure what's going on? Here, have a brief FAQ.) You can find previous ones in my salon tag. Please take a quick look at the reminders at the bottom of this post, too.

I have been having the sort of week where there's nothing exactly wrong, but wherein I have no energy, spent four hours napping on Sunday (the cat considers that 'right' and approves highly, but it's not very productive) and I feel like I am not making progress on useful things. (And actually, today is worse than yesterday, and it's the fact I really have stuff that has to happen at work that has me here.)

So. Today's discussion. What do you do when you have a bad week? (Or weeks?) What stuff do you keep handy?

Me: I try to have food around that I will eat (and is sensible for me to eat) even if I'm not very hungry. I try to remember to listen to music, because that generally helps, really. I keep stuff to read that is interesting but not demanding. I keep a stock of Awesome Bath Stuff For Bad Days (my purveyor of choice tends to be Fantasy Bath, but y'know. Bath stuff is good.)

And I keep links. (Um. If you are reading these at work, they reliably make me crack up out loud. You are forewarned. My humour is probably not your humour, but all of these have the kind of content you'd expect from the brief descriptions.)
* Folksongs are your friends: A long digression (comments are worth reading) on useful things one can learn from folksongs.
* I has a sweet potato: One dog. Several sweet potatoes. Much laughter.
* Gaming group meets hellhounds Ursula Vernon's gaming group encounters some hellhounds. Who need rescuing. (the rest of that tag is also excellent, but the first one is good even if you're not a gamer.)
* And because it still makes me crack up, nearly a year later, I present a discussion of the Alternity-verse's version of 50 Shades of Gray which shares a title with one of the assigned Dark Arts/Noble Arts books. (For this, you basically need to know that alt_antonin is the subject's professor, and he's just started teaching at the beginning of term, less than two weeks before this.) Once you've read that, his discussion with Narcissa is also deeply amusing (or you can back up and read the whole set of comments in general.)

Comments

making certain habits things that always happen instead of things I choose to do

[jjhunter]

The short answer is, I make habits during good weeks and do my best to stick to them regardless of whether a particular week is good or bad.

Some examples that can make all the difference during hard weeks:

- regular vigorous exercise, especially running

- doing as much as possible of my computer time at work / home standing up

- sticking to a regular wakeup time regardless of how early / late I go to sleep

- hosting occasional 'How Are You? (in Haiku)' days at my Dreamwidth journal (am doing one today, actually - everyone & anyone is welcome to come participate)

- making bits of space for the enjoyment of simple sensual pleasures - food, hot or cold drink, positive human touch from friends/family, the quality of light as I commute from A to B, short phone calls, snippets of poetry, fun outfits to wear, scrubbing my scalp in the shower, 3 minute chunks of meditative breathing, flying down hills or churning up them on my bike, giving furry beings scritches until their tails thump or their paws start grow warning claws because so much good how can even, applying fire / sharp knife to ingredients and making new variations of food om nom nom, being in easy silence or relaxation with people, did I mention breathing?...

- articulating if only to myself what is hard & what I'm feeling

- de-escalating to 'make the job smaller' when 'get all the jobs done' starts to reek of magical thinking / avoidance

Re: making certain habits things that always happen instead of things I choose to do

[jenett]

Huh. I do totally get you about the habits that always happen. But so many of yours totally don't work for me. (Since my bad weeks tend to involve movement being exceedingly problematic, and due to asthma and other lung issues, breathing-stuff is a thing I can never actually rely on as a touchstone.)

I am totally with you on the furry being scritches, though. (My previous cat liked them, but my current one is a 'throw self on side and writhe if you look at her for more than 3 seconds' sort of adoring, and petting is EVEN BETTER.)

Re: making certain habits things that always happen instead of things I choose to do

[jjhunter]

Yay scritches! argh bodies, why so complicated sometimes.

p.s. Another thing that does work for me - and I often forget it's not something everyone does - is that I made a personal UFYH playlist that I play to stop thinking & just do if I find myself getting stuck.

[oursin]

Going to the gym/yoga class, except a bad week is often one in which forces outside my control hinder that aim. On the other hand if I am feeling particularly physically tired I don't push myself to go.

Comfort reading.

And things have to be very bad indeed if I don't get at least a temporary blast of oomph from Motown on the iPod.

[mrissa]

Mostly for me bad days and bad weeks mean bad vertigo days/weeks; there are occasionally "nothing in particular" bad days/weeks, but I'm afraid I'm not very good at being kind to myself over them, being somewhat prone to snapping at myself, "You can walk today, so quit whining."

One of the big things I do is keep single-serving containers of soup in the freezer, and another is cleaning (and chopping, where appropriate) fruit and vegetables more or less as soon after I get them as I can manage, so that if I am not knife-safe that day, I don't have to be, I can just throw salad fixings together, sit down and eat strawberries, etc.

I am trying to remind myself that rereading is okay--I do not always have to chip away at the to-read pile. Because there are things I can read--the Vorkosigan books, the Casson family books, the Lord Peter Wimsey books, and the Secret Country books, most notably--that will be good for me and will be the right thing, and I don't have to shuffle through something that isn't.

When I'm really down, I need to remember to resort to Galaxy Quest more often. Because: Galaxy Quest. I mean really. (See also: The Princess Bride, Meet the Robinsons, Monsters Inc..)

[jenett]

Rereading, yes. And not having to think about the rereading.

[mrissa]

I should note that I'm pretty sick today (stupid head cold), and I have the best of all possible situations: a new-to-me mystery in a reliable series. In this case it's Barbara Hambly's Good Man Friday in her Benjamin January series. I will note that I would not have the willpower to save it for when I get sick if I was not sick today, though.

[jenett]

Reliable series are such an awesome thing. They really are.

[maribou]

I have different kinds of bad weeks, so some of these might seem a bit contradictory? anyway, here goes.

Meditate - which involves nothing more demanding than listening to Jack
Kornfield CDs and not caring if I fall asleep or zone out, in a bad week - actually I see both of those as concretely positive outcomes as both falling asleep and zoning out are hard to do when the week is bad.

lots of time with the fuzzy beings.

if i have enough energy (doubtful), certain kinds of cleaning tasks are good (dishes, cleaning litter boxes) because they make me feel like "at least I accomplished THIS much". actually that's important enough that I will wear myself out a bit with extreme-slow-motion housework, if I have enough time, because the payback is so important.

read very fluffy novels - especially if I am in the middle of more complex demanding things, I have to egg myself on to abandon them temporarily (no matter how tasty) and read things that rest my brain.

facebook games - this often helps but if things are very bad i lose my sense of "ok, enough of that then" and they can stop helping.

dancing around my living room with extreme vigor - again, this one is only sometimes available to me, but when i have energy and the week is bad for other reasons, it is THE BOMB. actually it is hard to have a whole bad *week* if I have the energy for this, because it is so helpful.

going for extremely long walks near a water source (at least 3 miles) - same notes as the dancing :) usually also involves music (yay shuffle).

cross-stitch - small repetitive hand motions that aren't typing, ftw. also colors. and counting. and listening to kids' audio books while I do it.

YA-or-younger audiobooks - for falling asleep to, or listening to while cross-stitching. being read to is a big comfort thing for me.

certain foods - tricky as I sometimes have food issues when it's a bad week.

listening to other people have fun - seriously. if i can like, doze in a recliner while some of my favorite people play games in the next room? so sustaining.

Hm, that's all I can think of for now although there are lots and lots more. I find baths very soothing, but I'm allergic to All The Smelly Things (almost), not to mention bromine (carried with chlorine), so if I am having a bad week I will often get a rash or hives from a bath if I don't think hard about how to set it up and make sure not to stay in too long - so that can be a bit challenging.

Ooh, scented candles of scents I'm not allergic to are wonderful, though! I'd forgotten about that one.

[maribou]

Oh, alcohol! very very good for the high-energy high-stress type of bad week (as long as I am not in need of sleep). very bad for me physically when I am low energy but sometimes the mood assistance of 2-3 drinks outweighs the late-the-next-day exhaustion, if the next day is a Sunday. I... don't react to alcohol the way most people do? It makes me increasingly cheerful and increasingly more awake .... it's an anti-inhibitor, for sure, but not otherwise a downer *at all*. I once read Beowulf for the first time at 6:30 in the morning, still tipsy after a couple hours of sleep, while everyone else was sleeping it off until noon. Because I woke up SO FULL OF GLEE that reading Beowulf seemed like the only logical choice.

(It's self-medicating, but since I go without drinking for months at a time, drink to the point of true inebriation only a couple of times a year, and always end up happier than not - I have deemed it good.)

Speaking of alcohol, this summer I developed a ritual which really helps me leave bad weeks behind. Friday nights, I sit on my porch from 6 pm until midnight, or I get too sleepy, or people go home, depending on the week. I may or may not have anything alcoholic to drink. I always drink lots of water. I may or may not order food delivered, or we might make something. J might join me, or not. Other people might come over, or not (a very large group of my friends is always invited, but not urged, so one night there was 20 people, but most Fridays it's 1 or 2, different people each time). I might read books - actually I almost always read books unless I have a lot of company. I might or might not make phone calls. It might or might not rain, necessitating frequent spells in the dining room porch adjunct.

It's different every time, but it's always Friday night, and I always do nothing that feels like work once it starts, and it always helps. Even on nights when I'm so exhausted that I initially feel like cancelling it and crawling into bed. (I only cancel it for travel, or Extreme Circumstances like the time our friends wouldn't take no to an expedition for an answer and then I found out they were expecting a new baby.)

[jenett]

Your Friday nights sound *gorgeous*. I keep contemplating doing something like that, and I have not yet hit on quite the right thing I can sustain. In better health years, I was making a habit of doing some house cleaning to make things tidy on Friday as close to before sunset as I could manage, and then cooking something enjoyable, and having something to drink, but the last couple, both the cooking and cleaning parts are somewhat problematic.

(For those wondering: I'm not Jewish by raising, but my mother's father was, and there's a certain pleasure in picking Fridays for that kind of 'set the week in order to begin nicely' that I like the echo of, besides it being the end of the workweek.)



(Mine, alas, suffer from the fact that I do not have local friends to do such things with, in a plural number, and that one's Imaginary Internet Friends, as they were, require being at the computer.)

[oursin]

And concerning the wisdom of folksong, did anyone mention the advisability of taking a very large supply of condoms if ever invited to a ball at Kirriemuir? Also, should maidenheads be culturally important, have a good virginity-faking backup plan for your wedding night

[jenett]

I am not sure about the first, but I am fairly certain the second is in there.

(I also occasionally ponder doing a list of the "Things I learned from Greek mythology and drama" which is the variant I actually grew up with.)

[jenett]

So, to post an update. It is a gorgeous day out there, even if my body is telling me there is Weather again in the future. (What I am I saying? It is New England. There is always Weather. But it is mildly annoying to feel approaching weather systems when they're in, y'know, Michigan.)

But I did not manage to make lunch, because Ow This Morning (also No Brain This Morning, and Inertia, It Is A Thing This Morning.) So I did manage to walk downtown to the little grocery store (about a third of a mile) which was almost too far, and it was almost too hot, but I now have actual food, and a vague "Ok, that counts as exercise" feeling about the whole thing.

My iTunes was, however, out to get me: I put on one of my 'many favourite songs' playlists (the one I'm using for the song a day posts (I should make another, sometime.) and it played me two separate versions of "Bedlam Boys" (I am fairly sure I have at least three in that playlist), and then Savatage's "Chance".

On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with sunshine, and five part contrapuntal harmony in one's day.

[kaifu]

Five-part contrapuntal harmony, yesss. Thank you for the reminder, opening up iTunes right now.

[kyrielle]

I wish I could describe something useful I do for bad days. Mostly, I try hard, and not always successfully, not to take them out on the people around me.

Routine gets me through the parts of my day that MUST happen. I have lists for getting me out the door, for stuff done, etc. I use them on days good or bad to make them habit, and on bad days that are bad in the "forgetful" or "feeling crummy" ways, they get the things that have to be done, largely done.

But I don't have much to make a bad day better. Most frequent causes of bad days are illnesses, or being short of sleep (small children, work on-call, reading a book until stupid o'clock...). I try hard not to voluntarily cause the latter (resist the book!), but I can't exactly say I won't take care of the 19-month-old because I need my sleep. It's not reasonable.

And then, unfortunately, the real cure is more sleep, which is impossible unless I want to take a sick day from work, which...if I did that every time I was short of sleep, I'd probably be unemployed. Or at least on medical leave. It is also not reasonable, sadly.

Eating the right food (high protein, but also high carb) on those days helps a bit. But other than that? Other than that I just slog through and dislike things, because a tired Laura is a grumpy Laura who dislikes things just because they are things.

TEA!

[kyrielle]

Ah! One thing that usually does help is tea, my favorite comfort food. (Because it can, within reason, be indulged without concern for consequences. For a bonus point, hot drink is good for my most common non-sleep-deprived annoyance, which is allergies/colds that like to go for the stuffy sinus routine.)

Teas I love: Tea Forte's Belgian Mint. Teavana's White Peach (sigh, I want to not like it, but I love it). Bigelow's Green Mango and Green Peach. Anyone's pure peppermint, there's no nuance to that between brands that I've found. Tazo's Lotus. A good jasmine green in any of several brands. Sadly, Teavana's now discontinued Strawberry Misaki (which, if you've never had, tasted much more of the carnation and much less of the strawberry, actually; strawberry teas in general do not please my taste buds near as much).

Teas I would adore EXCEPT they're black and I can't handle that much caffeine: Tea Forte's Orchid Vanilla, and their Vienna Cinnamon. HEAVENLY taste, but...stomach doesn't care for them. Alas.

Re: TEA!

[jenett]

This just lead to me ordering more tea. (I, um, had been eyeing one of Adagio's Fandom Samplers for a bit, and today is payday. And then there was some blending to try a few things out. Like you do.)

I normally do tisanes, mind you, and not tea-what-comes-from-tea-plants, because I've been trying to back off caffeine, and because I'm not that crazy about either roiboos or decaf black. (I don't know. Decaf anything tastes funny to me. I have no idea why.)

Re: TEA!

[kyrielle]

Yeah, I tend to call it "tea" if the company does, but several of the ones I like have no actual tea.

I can handle decaf, depending on the flavors that go with it. Mostly it is not worth it, but a decaf orchid vanilla? I COVET. Because that tea is smooth and sweet and begging to be a "soothe you to sleep" tea which, black tea, totally not, even if you don't have my issues with caffeine and stomach coexisting poorly. :P

Mostly I stick to herbals, greens, or a rare white, though. The green and white in general it seems I tolerate better.

[theora]

This, a lot. The sleep deficit thing is crazy-making for me.

My other main bad day cause is the frazzledness that comes from having to be "on" without a minute to myself for several hours. I have a couple of strategies to try and mitigate this one. First, I make coffee twice a day. This is a bit of a process since I start with whole beans and use a pour-over method, so it takes a few minutes and is a ritual that anchors me (and my kids know is non-negotiable). Second, if I'm starting to run out of words (at the end of a day answering All The Questions from my four year old I get to the point where I need to not talk for a while), we do music time, in which we each get to pick a song in turn. Listening to music I enjoy, even if it's interspersed with eighteen million versions of Oh Susannah, is somewhat restoring. Plus at the moment I get to choose for my 1 year old, so I effectively get two turns ;)

I also eat plenty of chocolate.

[kyrielle]

...okay, our kids are about the same ages too (4.5 years and 19 months here, and the 19-month-old has Opinions I tell you...).

Also, chocolate, oh man chocolate. I try not to eat too much of it (I could live on it, and that would be a bad idea), but man does it help. (One reason I love the Belgian Mint tea above - the taste is acceptable and the smell is perfect. Hehe.)

[kaberett]

[I see this conversation & I thank you for hosting it.]

[jenett]

Welcome!

[syntaxofthings]

Agreed.

[kakiphony]

My bad day strategies are mainly self-indulgent things that either take my mind off the bad day or help me feel rewarded for suffering through it. So fluffy reading as others have mentioned (I'm fond cozy romance and mysteries for brainless consumption -- Katie Fforde is a big re-reading favorite) and fluffy TV -- which mainly consists of cooking programs and/or selected "reality" shows (Top Chef hits both sets of mindless TV genre buttons!)

I also indulge in probably less healthy, but easy things to eat: cheese, sardines, olives, stuffed grape leaves from the deli, tamari roasted almonds, chocolate. And there is usually either tea or some sort of a good drink. (Right now my favorite seasonal tipple is a Spruce Pilsner. Last winter I was drinking a lot of hot toddies with lots of whisky and lemon.) To-go sushi when I can afford it definitely helps.

Baths are another go-to strategy in the winter -- usually with a fluffy book, a glass of wine and some nice smelling bath oil (when I have it).

Getting myself to a (gentle) yoga class helps, but often the energy to go is more than I can muster on those days. But I'm always glad when I do since paying attention to my breathing and body does help with stress and muscle pain.

[pretty_panther]

I spend time with my dog. Sometimes that is going out with him, sometimes that is rolling around my bed cuddling him and playing with his toys. It distracts me and I find his presence very relaxing and uplifting for me.

If I feel better than that, I try old computer games that I love but that I know I can win pretty easily or do simple crafty things like colouring in so that I feel productive and successful and stuff.

I also drink lots of tea in smaller cups because it forces me to keep getting up and walking around the house to actually get it.

[silveradept]

Bad days and weeks for me are, at this time of life, psychological rather than physical, which leads to an entirely different state of affairs. For beating them, the best remedies are often thumping pixels into the ground in various video games, or drinking sodas and eating fried foods or chocolate, volume of play or eating sometimes proportionate to the degree of the Bad.

Failing that, sometimes all I need is to take a break away from the thing frustrating me and to go snarl at something else alone for a while. (I haven't quite been able to convince Sig. Other of this, because zie says my mood affects animals and zie, so it often sounds like zie forbidding from getting angry at anything, which is not healthy.)

Other useful measures involve making plans on how to handle the Bad and having someone listen and offer constructive suggestion on fixing problems.

All of that, however, goes out the window if the Bad is causing a depression. Only something external that validates he self-worth can really help with that.

[untonuggan]

I think this is a good time to just link to my Giant List of Cope.

because that's all the cope I have for contribution at the moment, but I do want to contribute. ^_^

[zhelana]

I made a list of 5 things that really should get done no matter how bad the day is (caring for my animals, applying deodorant, brushing my hair, eating something, brushing my teeth) and I try to get them done. Some days I'm thrilled if I get one of them done though. And then I forgive myself and try to move on the next day. Though for the last couple weeks nothing has been working at all. :-/

[rmc28]

Hmm, mostly I respond to this by thinking "I don't have a specific plan for bad days". But maybe I should make one.

My "bad days" are usually down to sleep-deprivation, usually baby-related, occasionally self-inflicted / non-baby-related insomnia. I cut back to the minimum I must do that day and hope to get a better night that evening.

I'm thinking checklists at least might help me, by making it so I don't have to work out what the minimum is. External memories are good.

[faithinseeds]

My bad day helps are paying attention to my breath, having a cup of tea, going for a walk with the dog, and if I have the money/time going out to the local Pat's Pizza with my friend Rosie, and just having a girls night out.