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jenettI've been wanting to write this post for days, but finally have my brain together (I think.)
I've been feeling, the last few weeks, the dawning of an amazing new spring in my life. And I want to talk about that. And yet, I'm also aware of the friends in my life who have been having a painfully hard spring - the death of beloved pets, job worries, major relationship issues, and medical worries.
It's been hard - outside of the immediate "EEEE! Things are settled" to figure out how to talk about that thoughtfully and clearly - and not make anyone feel worse. Mostly, I've settled on the power of the cut tag, and the ability of people to figure out what they can and can't deal with reading right now.
It's a new spring.
On Thursday, the last day of April, I thought about Dreamwidth. About how delighted I was that they were launching open beta that night. A number of modern Pagan traditions recognise May 1st as Beltane, the fire festival honoring relationships, creativity, new birth.
How appropriate that the evening before - considered the festival as well - be Dreamwidth's birth. A place that's been shaped by relationships, and new kinds of interaction, and amazing creativity, learning, and potential. I bought my paid time, and I continue to think about what kind of creative life I want to live - and how.
On Friday, my alarm went off at 4:30, an hour before my usual time.
I got up, and made tea. I put the shiny new laptop, with its beautiful phoenix decal in the brand new laptop bag - all for the first time - and stuck them in the trunk.
And off I went a mile or two east, to the western bank of the Mississippi. I got there a few minutes before sunrise, listening to the bells of Morris dancers, shouts of welcome, and watching the lick of a rather impressive bonfire at the edge of the bluff. I had conversations with friends, said hello to enough people to surprise me, and took myself off to work.
The world was new, and shiny, and I had a flower in my hair. (surprisingly few people noticed.)
I came home, and a few hours later went off to a bonfire and party at other friends. They have lovely friends of my kind of geeky, and I always have a fantastic time at their parties.
Both bonfires were a lovely bracket to my day, but more than that, were a reminder of how broad my world here can become, and of the new freedom to make long-term connections and commitments not just this year, but next year, and the year after...
On Saturday, I was up early to proctor SATs, which was more chaotic than usual. I called my coven-mate, and we pushed back our plans an hour.
She arrived at my home at around 4:45, and we had a lesiurely and lovely walk through a couple of blocks of my neighborhood to the nearest park. Over a picnic, we toasted my new job, ate sushi and salmon spread and crackers (she is as fond of the hazelnut crackers I discovered at the co-op as I am) and good chocolate. As you might guess, we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks, due to some schedule changes.
We talked and talked and talked - and while it wasn't a formal ritual with a circle, things felt very settled and comfortable when we were done. We've both been going through big changes, and talking about where we both are right now, this week, this month, is good calibration. We also had three different people who've expressed interest in the coven to talk over.
And on Sunday I spent the day at home, talking to friends, reading a most excellent book (Laurie King's latest Mary Russell: The Language of Bees), and designing a flyer for the coven. (Certain friends nudged me to get one together, and one sort of appeared and demanded to be done. I'm rather pleased with it, and it's going to look quite a bit different than many flyers up on the walls, though I'll probably need to go to Kinko's to get it printed.)
It's a new spring
I'm thinking about my other-than-work commitments, more and more. The coven, obviously, is staying put. I'll continue some kind of interaction with Pagan Pride (though I'm taking steps to be able to step back a little next year.)
I'm thinking about the writing (and editing) I want to do this summer on a project very near and dear my heart. (And maybe finally ready and 'cooked' enough for publication. I hope.)
I'm thinking about the music I want to make, and the conversations I want to have about it.
And all sorts of other things. A new dawn, a new spring, a new potential.
Life changes
I'm still finding out - as I expect to be through the year, really - what it feels like to lose that huge burden of financial and security-based stress. Things I've noticed so far:
- I'm still sleeping not-great. This is non-ideal, but I'm coping.
- My food tastes are shifting. My last shopping trip was basically all healthy soup, fruit juice, very good chocolate, and a little bit of other things like sushi and cheese and pesto. I see my tastes at work shifting too. I don't know if it's the spring (though that would be a new pattern for me) or what, but I'm not minding.
- It's easier for me to be out and extroverted around people - I've spent chunks of time out in the main library the last two days (once we got the laptop set up here), and actually got work done. I'm no longer *quite* as twitchy about background noise and interruptions. I knew this was linked to my level of stress/available energy reserves, but I hadn't quite realised how much mental energy was going into that coping.
- I am working on a goal of exercise for the summer. (My actual goal is 'able to walk to the library and back without a lengthy break in the middle' (which is about a mile each way) and 'walk about 10 miles a week, or about the equivalent time in other exercise') both of which are totally manageable even if the summer's miserably hot. I'm adding half a mile a week, ideally.
I currently can do about a mile comfortably, but my recovery time is lousy (and that's partly fitness, but even more my body being generally very low on reserves, because recovery time for other things that aren't as physical is about as bad.)
I've been feeling, the last few weeks, the dawning of an amazing new spring in my life. And I want to talk about that. And yet, I'm also aware of the friends in my life who have been having a painfully hard spring - the death of beloved pets, job worries, major relationship issues, and medical worries.
It's been hard - outside of the immediate "EEEE! Things are settled" to figure out how to talk about that thoughtfully and clearly - and not make anyone feel worse. Mostly, I've settled on the power of the cut tag, and the ability of people to figure out what they can and can't deal with reading right now.
It's a new spring.
On Thursday, the last day of April, I thought about Dreamwidth. About how delighted I was that they were launching open beta that night. A number of modern Pagan traditions recognise May 1st as Beltane, the fire festival honoring relationships, creativity, new birth.
How appropriate that the evening before - considered the festival as well - be Dreamwidth's birth. A place that's been shaped by relationships, and new kinds of interaction, and amazing creativity, learning, and potential. I bought my paid time, and I continue to think about what kind of creative life I want to live - and how.
On Friday, my alarm went off at 4:30, an hour before my usual time.
I got up, and made tea. I put the shiny new laptop, with its beautiful phoenix decal in the brand new laptop bag - all for the first time - and stuck them in the trunk.
And off I went a mile or two east, to the western bank of the Mississippi. I got there a few minutes before sunrise, listening to the bells of Morris dancers, shouts of welcome, and watching the lick of a rather impressive bonfire at the edge of the bluff. I had conversations with friends, said hello to enough people to surprise me, and took myself off to work.
The world was new, and shiny, and I had a flower in my hair. (surprisingly few people noticed.)
I came home, and a few hours later went off to a bonfire and party at other friends. They have lovely friends of my kind of geeky, and I always have a fantastic time at their parties.
Both bonfires were a lovely bracket to my day, but more than that, were a reminder of how broad my world here can become, and of the new freedom to make long-term connections and commitments not just this year, but next year, and the year after...
On Saturday, I was up early to proctor SATs, which was more chaotic than usual. I called my coven-mate, and we pushed back our plans an hour.
She arrived at my home at around 4:45, and we had a lesiurely and lovely walk through a couple of blocks of my neighborhood to the nearest park. Over a picnic, we toasted my new job, ate sushi and salmon spread and crackers (she is as fond of the hazelnut crackers I discovered at the co-op as I am) and good chocolate. As you might guess, we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks, due to some schedule changes.
We talked and talked and talked - and while it wasn't a formal ritual with a circle, things felt very settled and comfortable when we were done. We've both been going through big changes, and talking about where we both are right now, this week, this month, is good calibration. We also had three different people who've expressed interest in the coven to talk over.
And on Sunday I spent the day at home, talking to friends, reading a most excellent book (Laurie King's latest Mary Russell: The Language of Bees), and designing a flyer for the coven. (Certain friends nudged me to get one together, and one sort of appeared and demanded to be done. I'm rather pleased with it, and it's going to look quite a bit different than many flyers up on the walls, though I'll probably need to go to Kinko's to get it printed.)
It's a new spring
I'm thinking about my other-than-work commitments, more and more. The coven, obviously, is staying put. I'll continue some kind of interaction with Pagan Pride (though I'm taking steps to be able to step back a little next year.)
I'm thinking about the writing (and editing) I want to do this summer on a project very near and dear my heart. (And maybe finally ready and 'cooked' enough for publication. I hope.)
I'm thinking about the music I want to make, and the conversations I want to have about it.
And all sorts of other things. A new dawn, a new spring, a new potential.
Life changes
I'm still finding out - as I expect to be through the year, really - what it feels like to lose that huge burden of financial and security-based stress. Things I've noticed so far:
- I'm still sleeping not-great. This is non-ideal, but I'm coping.
- My food tastes are shifting. My last shopping trip was basically all healthy soup, fruit juice, very good chocolate, and a little bit of other things like sushi and cheese and pesto. I see my tastes at work shifting too. I don't know if it's the spring (though that would be a new pattern for me) or what, but I'm not minding.
- It's easier for me to be out and extroverted around people - I've spent chunks of time out in the main library the last two days (once we got the laptop set up here), and actually got work done. I'm no longer *quite* as twitchy about background noise and interruptions. I knew this was linked to my level of stress/available energy reserves, but I hadn't quite realised how much mental energy was going into that coping.
- I am working on a goal of exercise for the summer. (My actual goal is 'able to walk to the library and back without a lengthy break in the middle' (which is about a mile each way) and 'walk about 10 miles a week, or about the equivalent time in other exercise') both of which are totally manageable even if the summer's miserably hot. I'm adding half a mile a week, ideally.
I currently can do about a mile comfortably, but my recovery time is lousy (and that's partly fitness, but even more my body being generally very low on reserves, because recovery time for other things that aren't as physical is about as bad.)
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Re: A new spring
Date: 2009-05-05 04:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-09 02:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-04 10:25 pm (UTC)My current goal is "Play one song, however short, and no matter how badly the harp is currently in tune, each day".
I started Friday, and we're 3 for 3 so far.