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jenettWelcome to our eighth salon discussion thread. Wander in, invite a friend to come along, and chat! (Not sure what's going on? Here, have a brief FAQ.) You can find previous ones in my salon tag. Please take a quick look at the reminders at the bottom of this post, too.
Quality of life: what does it mean for you?
I was thinking, walking home from work the other day, that there's a lot of different kinds of things that make up quality of life, the "This is a good day" and "I like how I'm living".
In my current job, I don't make much money (especially given the amount of education required). But I live half a mile from work, in a gorgeous rural New England town where pretty much every view could be on a postcard. (And that's before you get to anything significantly scenic.) There's a downtown grocery store with local produce, and farmer's markets, and all sorts of other things.
I have a job that I mostly leave at work (I mean, I keep thinking about technology and libraries and information pretty much all the time, but that's because I love it, not because I have to bring work home). I have the world's most endearing and adorable cat.
But I also know that these things aren't necessarily what other people would choose (or what I'd choose at other points in my life, or if I lived in a different place, or had more money to play with.)
Things I'm watching: I'm currently rewatching season 3 of Doctor Who (I've been a fan since before I knew you could be: I grew up watching Tom Baker from under a chair in the living room.) Tonight, I'm going to go see the Joss Whedon Much Ado About Nothing for the second time so I can go with a friend (and because, on the whole, I would like to encourage people to do more projects of that kind.) What're you watching? Why is it interesting to or fun for you?
(This means I'll be out from 5ish until 9:30ish tonight. I assume you can all manage in my absence.)
Quick reminders
-jjhunter did a great guide to following conversations here on Dreamwidth. Also a roundup of regular Dreamwidth events.
- If you want to post anonymously, please pick a name (any name you like) that we can call you - it makes it more conversational and helps if we have more than one anon post.
- Base rule remains "Leave the conversation better than you found it, or at least not worse". If you're nervous about that, I'd rather you say something and we maybe sort out confusion later than have you not say something. (I've heard from a few people who worry they're going to say something that's going to be taken weirdly. If it helps, I am usually around and if there's a thing you'd like to get out in the conversation, but you're not sure how, feel free to PM or email or IM me, and I'll nudge the conversation that direction.)
- The FAQ still has useful stuff, and I added some thoughts about getting conversations going a few weeks ago.
- Comments tend to trickle in over the course of a day or two, with a few nearly a week later: you might enjoy checking back later if you're not tracking the conversation.
Quality of life: what does it mean for you?
I was thinking, walking home from work the other day, that there's a lot of different kinds of things that make up quality of life, the "This is a good day" and "I like how I'm living".
In my current job, I don't make much money (especially given the amount of education required). But I live half a mile from work, in a gorgeous rural New England town where pretty much every view could be on a postcard. (And that's before you get to anything significantly scenic.) There's a downtown grocery store with local produce, and farmer's markets, and all sorts of other things.
I have a job that I mostly leave at work (I mean, I keep thinking about technology and libraries and information pretty much all the time, but that's because I love it, not because I have to bring work home). I have the world's most endearing and adorable cat.
But I also know that these things aren't necessarily what other people would choose (or what I'd choose at other points in my life, or if I lived in a different place, or had more money to play with.)
Things I'm watching: I'm currently rewatching season 3 of Doctor Who (I've been a fan since before I knew you could be: I grew up watching Tom Baker from under a chair in the living room.) Tonight, I'm going to go see the Joss Whedon Much Ado About Nothing for the second time so I can go with a friend (and because, on the whole, I would like to encourage people to do more projects of that kind.) What're you watching? Why is it interesting to or fun for you?
(This means I'll be out from 5ish until 9:30ish tonight. I assume you can all manage in my absence.)
Quick reminders
-
jjhunter did a great guide to following conversations here on Dreamwidth. Also a roundup of regular Dreamwidth events. - If you want to post anonymously, please pick a name (any name you like) that we can call you - it makes it more conversational and helps if we have more than one anon post.
- Base rule remains "Leave the conversation better than you found it, or at least not worse". If you're nervous about that, I'd rather you say something and we maybe sort out confusion later than have you not say something. (I've heard from a few people who worry they're going to say something that's going to be taken weirdly. If it helps, I am usually around and if there's a thing you'd like to get out in the conversation, but you're not sure how, feel free to PM or email or IM me, and I'll nudge the conversation that direction.)
- The FAQ still has useful stuff, and I added some thoughts about getting conversations going a few weeks ago.
- Comments tend to trickle in over the course of a day or two, with a few nearly a week later: you might enjoy checking back later if you're not tracking the conversation.
Tags:
no subject
Date: 2013-07-26 02:12 am (UTC)There are some issues with disability(ish), energy and ability levels, and Sig. Other's anxieties (possibly in relation to how zie's last relationship ended) that I didn't mention in the original that can result in things getting done only when I can do them, as well as my own hangups about wanting to be helpful and useful and the real or perceived guilt-tripping involved with taking on tasks versus taking me time.
It's more than just It's Complicated.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-26 11:08 am (UTC)Captain Awkward: #486: Feeling lonely in a relationship and worried about self-sabotage (this one is the one your Sig. Other's desire to constantly be with you reminded me of)
- See also: the dirty normal's attachment styles – a primer
Captain Awkward: #466: Possessive friend is weirding me out/A constructive conflict review. (Scroll to get to "Rules for constructive conflict when you want to repair a relationship")
Captain Awkward: #468 and #469: “Hey, knock it off”, or, Constructive Conflict, Continued.
2.) Two different takes on the financial stressor element that may be more or less applicable, but could be helpful in terms of thinking through possibilities to make that less stressful for you:
Captain Awkward: #429 & #430: When depression is contagious.
Dear Sugar: DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #93: How The Real Work Is Done
3.) Some links for contextualizing - what tends to make people happy in relationships behavior-wise, making complicated work, etc. - again, not everything will map directly on your situation, but they may work around to emotional truths that could prove helpful touchstones
The Pervocracy: Green flags
Dear Sugar: DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #81: A Bit of Sully in Your Sweet
4.) Things you can do for yourself independent of how stuff is or isn't going with the other member(s) of your household:
Captain Awkward: #330: Life blows. How can I be nice to myself again?
===
Hope these prove helpful in negotiating with Sig. Other (and with yourself) to move toward better - sometimes getting some motion in a positive direction on some things has a ripple effect through the rest. I strongly support & recommend acting on your desire for having things that are yours & your own independent of your relationship with Sig. Other (no one person can meet all of your needs even if they were absolutely perfect in every way!) and suspect that if Sig. Other did the same, both of you would find your relationship with each other less fraught and more satisfying.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-26 12:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-30 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-30 07:24 pm (UTC)