The choices on the menu

[jenett]

Still thinking about the very fascinating conversations on my last post, about the questions of identity and disability. (Thanks all who commented, and the people who sent me private messages about bits of it.) The Dreamwidth side of the conversation has been particularly interesting: you should be able to view it via your LJ OpenID login if you like.)

Something that several people - both online and offline - have said to me, at least once a week, is "I'm amazed at how well you're handling this, given how deeply difficult it obviously is." Every time someone says that, I sort of have to blink, because .. really, that was not the calculation in my head at all. Here's my logic process

Here's the thing:
- This stuff appears to be on my dance card for the foreseeable future, whether I like it or not. I have found neither "Do not want" nor "Uninstall" buttons in easily accessible locations. Pity.

- Throwing a fit takes energy. Being pervasively grumpy about stuff takes energy. Talking about nothing else *but* the annoying foo is takes energy (and is boring, besides.)

- My religious, spiritual, and ethical foundation talks about of taking responsibility for my actions. It also talks about what I put out into the universe coming back to me. Given that I cannot, for the time being, remove the actual problem from the equation, what I can do is make choices that seem to be more in tune with what I'd like to have echo back into my life.

- Bringing as much skill and ambient knowledge to bear on the problem as I can seems to be the smart thing. Both because it might get me closer to things being better, but also because bringing skill and ambient knowledge into play tend to make me feel happy and competent.

- I have before me models of how to deal with long-term medical difficulties with grace and good humor (and recovery from the especially bumpy bits) that I find I wish to emulate.

(In particular, I am thinking of elisem, mrissa and synecdochic, but also of a range of other friends, some of whom are less public about the stuff they're dealing with. Also, I have the example of my father before me, and he was dealing with stuff that was far worse and clearly not going to end in the way any of us wanted.)

- Plus, given a choice about living my life in the world with grace and good humor, and as little grumpy as I can manage, or .. well, really most other options - why wouldn't I pick the grace and good humor option?

Ergo:
One aims for grace, good humor, skill, tempered by reason and reality. And when one cannot manage that, one goes and hides in a nice (metaphorical or physical) cave-equivalent until one is up for society again.

(One might also, perhaps, have been permanently warped by the combination of my particular variety of British parents and their emotional communication scope plus copious applications of the works of Miss Manners, especially when one slips into third person polite. But I like to think of that as a feature, mostly, rather than a bug.)

Comments

[walk_of_the_fallen]

If you DO run across that elusive "Uninstall" or "Off" button, DO let us know, please? ;-)

[synecdochic]

<3

[aquaeri]

I'm afraid I can't read that previous post or its comments. I understand if you're not comfortable giving me access, but you might want to note for future reference when you make unlocked posts referencing locked posts :-).

[jenett]

Happy to give access (and thought I had, actually!) You should now be able to see it.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dear heart.

[jenett]

All true, every word :)