The biggest factor in making me feel welcome is *warmth*.
This is partly physical; people whose homes are set to "fridge" will always make me uncomfortable -- yes, because of the goosebumps and shivers, but also because it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding: People cannot "wear more clothes" to get warm if their bodies don't heat well to begin with -- I can't get warm easily for physiological reasons, and they're not rare or freaky; I talk to fellow humans like that all the time.
But then, segueing from that...it's the metaphorical warmth: Do you try to be friendly and respectful? Without bending your own needs? (That is, if this were my house, people would take off their shoes because it's incredibly gross otherwise; it's not my house, though, and in California it's unusual -- an Immigrant Thing.) Are you poor and can't serve me expensive wine? That's cool; look, I brought my own bottle of Ridge 2009 for the two (or more) of us. Are you rich AF but are trying to serve me Two-Buck Chuck? And so on.
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Date: 2018-03-30 03:25 pm (UTC)This is partly physical; people whose homes are set to "fridge" will always make me uncomfortable -- yes, because of the goosebumps and shivers, but also because it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding: People cannot "wear more clothes" to get warm if their bodies don't heat well to begin with -- I can't get warm easily for physiological reasons, and they're not rare or freaky; I talk to fellow humans like that all the time.
But then, segueing from that...it's the metaphorical warmth: Do you try to be friendly and respectful? Without bending your own needs? (That is, if this were my house, people would take off their shoes because it's incredibly gross otherwise; it's not my house, though, and in California it's unusual -- an Immigrant Thing.) Are you poor and can't serve me expensive wine? That's cool; look, I brought my own bottle of Ridge 2009 for the two (or more) of us. Are you rich AF but are trying to serve me Two-Buck Chuck? And so on.