Oooh. All excellent things to think about, but hard, yeah. There's a couple of things that helped me get around it, and in no particular order:
1) Enough people have told me that having the info (and especially somewhere they can poke at it without having to ask me directly) is really helpful to them, because they can think it over in private without it being a big conversation first.
We often do end up talking about it too, but it means they know what stuff I might really care about, or that's more fraught for me, or can think about what's more complicate for them.
2) There are some things in my life where I just can't budge: my lungs *are* hyperreactive to some things, and I can't change that.
But I also assume that if people want to be around me, they would like me to continue breathing, and are okay with some limits on what they do (or where we are) that help that. We might negotiate on the specifics (and depending on how I'm doing in general, there can be quite a lot of leeway) but there are limits on what I can do, and we'd rather talk about them than have me turn blue.
(I like blue as a colour, but not for my skin.)
3) For the stuff where there's more flexibility, it helps me remember what works when I'm distracted or brain fried or whatever else.
The one that springs to mind was arranging to meet friends for brunch-like food recently, while I was in Boston, and one of them proposed a vegetarian place. And I looked at it, and after a few minutes went "Y'know, are there other suggestions?" Because, in the scope of that particular weekend, I suspected I'd want more protein that meal, and I don't do soy protein at all, and I'm trying to be less grain based. Which limits one's options at a vegetarian place for breakfast.
And - in part because she knew there's Food Stuff - it wasn't a big fraught conversation at all, just a "Ok, right, what else works?" And that was about 30 minutes less Complicated in my life, and that was very handy. (And then we ended up going somewhere she could be introduced to the wonders of the lime rickey, and all was good with the world.)
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Date: 2013-06-12 03:02 pm (UTC)1) Enough people have told me that having the info (and especially somewhere they can poke at it without having to ask me directly) is really helpful to them, because they can think it over in private without it being a big conversation first.
We often do end up talking about it too, but it means they know what stuff I might really care about, or that's more fraught for me, or can think about what's more complicate for them.
2) There are some things in my life where I just can't budge: my lungs *are* hyperreactive to some things, and I can't change that.
But I also assume that if people want to be around me, they would like me to continue breathing, and are okay with some limits on what they do (or where we are) that help that. We might negotiate on the specifics (and depending on how I'm doing in general, there can be quite a lot of leeway) but there are limits on what I can do, and we'd rather talk about them than have me turn blue.
(I like blue as a colour, but not for my skin.)
3) For the stuff where there's more flexibility, it helps me remember what works when I'm distracted or brain fried or whatever else.
The one that springs to mind was arranging to meet friends for brunch-like food recently, while I was in Boston, and one of them proposed a vegetarian place. And I looked at it, and after a few minutes went "Y'know, are there other suggestions?" Because, in the scope of that particular weekend, I suspected I'd want more protein that meal, and I don't do soy protein at all, and I'm trying to be less grain based. Which limits one's options at a vegetarian place for breakfast.
And - in part because she knew there's Food Stuff - it wasn't a big fraught conversation at all, just a "Ok, right, what else works?" And that was about 30 minutes less Complicated in my life, and that was very handy. (And then we ended up going somewhere she could be introduced to the wonders of the lime rickey, and all was good with the world.)