With the kids, what seems to help us connect is silly play together. Like play wrestling, tickling, singing goofy songs, using made up words - those work better than, say, playing a structured game or doing a planned activity together. And especially doing those things one-on-one with each child rather than both together. Wish I could do more of this.
Other non-family people: hmm. Right now, the people I'm most likely to encounter are other parents of children my daughter's age through her preschool and random playground-type encounters. So far I haven't connected with any of them in any meaningful way. Part of this is that I suck at small talk; the best way for me to get to know people is to work with them. I suspect it's because I use a lot of mental energy during small talk trying to figure out people's 'rules' (unspoken expectations of what's normal). Whereas if you're working on, say, a project, the project is the center of the interaction, so there's no need to jump straight into potentially treacherous waters, allowing time for little personal bits to filter in around the edges and build up an understanding of the other person and how they work.
Also, having children of similar ages gives you a limited set of things in common. That only goes so far.
Seeking out non-parent people with whom I share interests is a whole other ball of wax which is mostly not happening now due to lack of time and mental and physical energy. On the other hand, well, I'm here, aren't I? Honestly, participating in these salons is something I'm trying to make a point of doing, both as good brain exercise thinking about things I wouldn't otherwise, and as a social foray into circles unknown. So there's that.
(I think this may be a bit incoherent. Sorry. Bed now.)
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Other non-family people: hmm. Right now, the people I'm most likely to encounter are other parents of children my daughter's age through her preschool and random playground-type encounters. So far I haven't connected with any of them in any meaningful way. Part of this is that I suck at small talk; the best way for me to get to know people is to work with them. I suspect it's because I use a lot of mental energy during small talk trying to figure out people's 'rules' (unspoken expectations of what's normal). Whereas if you're working on, say, a project, the project is the center of the interaction, so there's no need to jump straight into potentially treacherous waters, allowing time for little personal bits to filter in around the edges and build up an understanding of the other person and how they work.
Also, having children of similar ages gives you a limited set of things in common. That only goes so far.
Seeking out non-parent people with whom I share interests is a whole other ball of wax which is mostly not happening now due to lack of time and mental and physical energy. On the other hand, well, I'm here, aren't I? Honestly, participating in these salons is something I'm trying to make a point of doing, both as good brain exercise thinking about things I wouldn't otherwise, and as a social foray into circles unknown. So there's that.
(I think this may be a bit incoherent. Sorry. Bed now.)