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Re: Socializing when you're not a partier (Reply)
Re: Socializing when you're not a partier
Thursday, April 13th, 2017 05:46 am (UTC)
I was a super partier in my 20s, because theatre kid, but no longer, because super disabled now (thanks to said partying**). Also I'm older, and even if I were physically able to go out clubbing again I would feel like a super creeper in a crowd of 20somethings.
I'm still a night owl, though, and like socializing past midnight. Just in quieter environments, such as at home playing card games/board games, watching movies together, geeking out over stuff, knitting circles, etc, not out at the club and dancing until everything hurts. (Which, tbh, I miss doing.) Luckily I have found and can find others who are into this, but usually only every so often, like at events where we don't have to get up early the next day. Otherwise, folks have Adult Responsibilities that don't include being on a shift worker's schedule and being able to stay up late during the week or even on weekends.
Anyway, when I was a partier, I had a bunch of people I called friends but for the most part were probably acquaintances. Some of them have remained close friends; one was my best man at my wedding, though probably worth noting he's never been a "partier" so much as he was game for whatever the hangouts were when we went to school together. We were just as likely to play Rock Band in his trailer as we were to go out dancing (and what we decided on would likely come down to how much money we had).
The problem is I moved away from the town where I went to uni and was a partier and now I live in a city where everyone is much farther apart, physically, and transit is crap enough this means you rarely get to see the friends you have unless you all live in the same neighborhood. We don't even visit my husband's family that often because it's something like a 30, 45 minute drive. (Or 3 hours on transit.) So most of those people who remained close friends? I rarely see, if at all.
The friends we have here are scattered across the city in various neighborhoods (boroughs? I don't know what to call areas that are basically cities onto themselves but rest within the regional district of Greater MainCity), and any events we might want to go to are generally speaking going to be super far out of the way.
Currently my husband is at rehearsal for a burlesque show he's performing in on Friday and that is in *downtown.* Ie, a place we almost never go to, because it's an hour away with normal traffic and gas prices are horrendous. Burlesque outside of downtown? HAH.
The pagan crowd similarly tends to have their events in other neighborhoods that are far enough away that we can't go on a regular basis, or for the once-a-year campout type gatherings, they're *close*, but we can only afford one of them a year (and that's because it's run by his mom and she gifts us part of our registration fee for our bdays).
So the end result is I feel I have no friends because there's no one I see often enough to feel like they're really part of my life, because getting out of our neighborhood to see people is a huge problem. And I have no idea how to make new friends in our neighborhood, not to mention a lingering feeling that there's no point because even though I WANT us to settle down here in this part of town, the likelihood of us being able to afford that is super super super slim. Paperthin, even. Or the problem that the process of making new friends often requires time spent in public areas, not homes, before inviting to homes, which translates to "let's meet for coffee" which means I can sit there and order nothing because *I cannot afford to go out for coffee*.
I don't really want to YET AGAIN go through the process of Make Friends, Move Away, Have Friends Scattered Across Globe, Feel More Alone Than Ever. (My best friend in the entire world? Lives in Alaska. Most of my friends from teen years? Hawaii, because that's where I went to high school. I'm on the mainland of British Columbia now, and most of my uni friends are STILL on Vancouver Island, which is prohibitively expensive to visit now because BC Ferries=the devil. I end up reluctant to make new friends because I never know if I'm going to stay in an area and long distance friendships with no in-the-area friendships to balance them are breaking my heart.)
The one area where I've been trying to make new friends/become part of a community has been the local Anglican Church, where they know I'm pagan and are cool with it, and it's been lovely, but then my car's windshield wipers stopped working which renders it undriveable in a temperate rainforest, so I haven't been in weeks. Which just, add to the pile of "I started trying to be part of a community but then stopped, for whatever reason."
So. Yeah. I have no idea.
**long story that is best summed up by: drunken wrestling can lead to damaged spine.
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